I think I died a long time ago.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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