i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
