You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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