I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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