Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
