i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
