Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
