to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
