When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
