He is such a slut. More and more my type.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
