Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
