He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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