The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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