YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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