I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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