whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
