I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So. Much. Porn.
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