Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
