i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize