Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
