So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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