We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
