I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
