come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
