It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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