Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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