Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
