we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
