Where are you?
In a non slutty way
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize