I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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