So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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