dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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