Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
