Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
