i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
