I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
