Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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