Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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