I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
