got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
