and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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