3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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