yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize