found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
time to smoke my breakfast
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
