Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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