genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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