She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
