Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
