Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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