Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
