Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
