we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize