My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone came in the potted fern
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
