So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
