dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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