Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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