Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
