Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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