her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
