I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
