Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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