the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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