Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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