Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
