Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
