I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
