And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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