you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
