the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize