I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
