I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
