he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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