I wish I only lived at night.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
