Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
