so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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