I puked a lego.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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