my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
