Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
