oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
