So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
