the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize