I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
