Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
