i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
