"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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