every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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