if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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