My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
