you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
