Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
