At least make sure they are 18
Why
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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