I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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