OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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