at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
