did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
