im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
