I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We need to rekindle our bromance
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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