So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
