I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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