But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
