I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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