i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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