I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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